I have pole tonight. That's exciting. I am almost able to rock a new move, but kind of panicked and hurt myself Monday. I climb to the top of the pole, cross my legs in front of me around the pole, point one leg straight out and the top leg hooks the pole. Then I let go with my hands and lean back all the way. My thighs hold me up while I arch my back down the pole, then I pull my legs up toward the ceiling, so that I am nearly perpendicular to the pole and am supposed to grab on with my hands again and let go with my legs, Supposed to... insert slipping and falling panic here... so I re-grab with my legs and don't get a good hold and am sliding the more I move. I try to come up out of it and grab a foot to regain a sitting position on the pole. Pull my own leg muscle... hurt... don't re-try the rest of the night and stick with easy stuff. Should have just slid down and started over... dumb girl.
Hoping to do it right this time. This combo move makes my arms and abs tired almost immediately. There's several things I can do from that point once I get it, but it's a fail still. Wait, it's a goal, yes.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Work Rant... Sorry
This day... the week... will never end. I am tired. Fell asleep at my desk and even while drifting think, "who cares? I'm f'ing tired" I would be severely embarrassed if anyone came around my corner actually. I have a new Chewbacca lego figure to play with at my desk. He's not new, but he's new to my desk. There's only so many times I can balance him and Han in my slinky though.
Our boss is out playing nurse for her husband this week and next, so we're on our own. She travels a lot anyway; sometimes she's only here for a few days of the month even. We are self-sufficient. However, one of the other VPs for the commercial side took it upon himself to visit and oversee us this week. He's not awful, but sometimes he makes my head hurt a lot. He used pretty blatant of his attitude that womenfolk opinions didn't matter. That feels good... like sandpaper on a sunburn. Also, he's technically with a different company and so has no bearing on what I do, so his being here is, um, super useful.
Last night not long after he gets in town, he is at my desk asking to see my file on 02AVCOM and why did they get such a low limit. Ok, what? Ok, I heard 02.. our customers don't start with that. I explain... first, that's not even my job within this company and second, I don't do anything for your company, so I will not have any of this info. He responds sharply, "I know that, but where do you keep the file" Deep breath, Tracy, he heard nothing you said. This time I explain that it would be just as odd for me to have credit history files on Best Buy customers as it would for me to have them for his customers. His eyes said he understood, but also that he heard the smartness in my voice. He then launches into a 5 min history about this customer... they're actually owned by Hy-Vee (or someone, I admit I wasn't listening well) and they are past due and going to put in a new larger order... blah blah blah. He finishes and stands there. I say, Hmm. He's still standing here. Can't hold back any longer, "I don't know what to tell you. I don't do anything with this in the company I work for and can, therefore, do even less for yours. So basically that was nothing more than a good story to me" Point across.
This morning I say good morning to him and get no response. Expected... uppity womenfolk need to be put in their place. Then he comes over demanding to know why we're out of something. I've just been dumped on by Aja deciding she is taking an early lunch because the phone is too busy... wth, we're supposed to be splitting the day on the phones and your half doesn't end for another hour and a half. So I snap- put the phone call on hold and tell him why we're out. "This is a new product. I had just enough flown in for all of our reps to have samples, but before I could set up orders to send them out, you pressured the warehouse into sending them to your reps. So we'll be out until mid June now, because I am not having any flown in and the rest are on a boat." Sidenote, I am having some flown in directly to the office and I will load up my car and take them to the warehouse because some people are outside the circle of trust. Like a fat squirrel with a fanny pack.
My vendor that I bitched about on Monday with the wire just called to tell me that he didn't ship it out Monday as promised. It probably won't ship out today either. I specifically gave him a credit card so it would go out on Monday. He can't run the credit card, it declined and he doesn't know why... "It's our CEO's. I just used it this morning, it's fine and has an obscene credit limit, so try again." Hiss... I do hate them... I really do. This wasn't meant to be a work rant post.
Our boss is out playing nurse for her husband this week and next, so we're on our own. She travels a lot anyway; sometimes she's only here for a few days of the month even. We are self-sufficient. However, one of the other VPs for the commercial side took it upon himself to visit and oversee us this week. He's not awful, but sometimes he makes my head hurt a lot. He used pretty blatant of his attitude that womenfolk opinions didn't matter. That feels good... like sandpaper on a sunburn. Also, he's technically with a different company and so has no bearing on what I do, so his being here is, um, super useful.
Last night not long after he gets in town, he is at my desk asking to see my file on 02AVCOM and why did they get such a low limit. Ok, what? Ok, I heard 02.. our customers don't start with that. I explain... first, that's not even my job within this company and second, I don't do anything for your company, so I will not have any of this info. He responds sharply, "I know that, but where do you keep the file" Deep breath, Tracy, he heard nothing you said. This time I explain that it would be just as odd for me to have credit history files on Best Buy customers as it would for me to have them for his customers. His eyes said he understood, but also that he heard the smartness in my voice. He then launches into a 5 min history about this customer... they're actually owned by Hy-Vee (or someone, I admit I wasn't listening well) and they are past due and going to put in a new larger order... blah blah blah. He finishes and stands there. I say, Hmm. He's still standing here. Can't hold back any longer, "I don't know what to tell you. I don't do anything with this in the company I work for and can, therefore, do even less for yours. So basically that was nothing more than a good story to me" Point across.
This morning I say good morning to him and get no response. Expected... uppity womenfolk need to be put in their place. Then he comes over demanding to know why we're out of something. I've just been dumped on by Aja deciding she is taking an early lunch because the phone is too busy... wth, we're supposed to be splitting the day on the phones and your half doesn't end for another hour and a half. So I snap- put the phone call on hold and tell him why we're out. "This is a new product. I had just enough flown in for all of our reps to have samples, but before I could set up orders to send them out, you pressured the warehouse into sending them to your reps. So we'll be out until mid June now, because I am not having any flown in and the rest are on a boat." Sidenote, I am having some flown in directly to the office and I will load up my car and take them to the warehouse because some people are outside the circle of trust. Like a fat squirrel with a fanny pack.
My vendor that I bitched about on Monday with the wire just called to tell me that he didn't ship it out Monday as promised. It probably won't ship out today either. I specifically gave him a credit card so it would go out on Monday. He can't run the credit card, it declined and he doesn't know why... "It's our CEO's. I just used it this morning, it's fine and has an obscene credit limit, so try again." Hiss... I do hate them... I really do. This wasn't meant to be a work rant post.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
New Temp... This is #6, Maybe... Lost Track
I think I love our new temp. Her name is Kathryn. She's young... fresh graduate of KU with a psych degree. She's nice and smart and she needs a job. She's still making the drive from Lawrence, but is moving to KC to live with her brother soon. We are already to tell our boss to make her an offer asap... we need to lock this down. I can't handle another bad one. At this time her only fault is that she's young, like 22, and cute and doesn't have to be concerned with my newest discovery that I have to really work to lessen the cushion supporting me on this chair.
She is working on a project that has contributed to the undoing of three previous temps. She is making it pretty and I think my dreams for this project will be realized. It's ugly and I'm thrilled not to be doing it. I am thrilled with the idea that competency really was out there waiting to be discovered. Yay.... now we need to lock it down, lol.
She is working on a project that has contributed to the undoing of three previous temps. She is making it pretty and I think my dreams for this project will be realized. It's ugly and I'm thrilled not to be doing it. I am thrilled with the idea that competency really was out there waiting to be discovered. Yay.... now we need to lock it down, lol.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Shoe Epiphany at the Post Office
I love shoes. The higher the better usually, but I'm not overly discriminating over the heights... I'm open-minded kinda. I've been staring at a pair for a long time and finally gave in and gifted myself. I thought they were perfect, but turns out they aren't quite perfect. They're a little too small - my size isn't my size this time. My foot didn't get bigger - the size is a lie... problems of online shoe shopping. Some could even point out - what did I expect from online shopping?
Now I could make them work for a couple hours maybe. They still look good, and you and I would be the only ones to know they're not quite right. But the truth is that I will never be able to love them. I love shoes, and I take care of them and loyally keep them for years, so comfort is important. I have to be able to trust my shoes; trust that they aren't going to faux-cripple me with pain.
So I'm giving up on this pair. Maybe I'll upgrade to another size, afterall; I did like a lot about this pair. Or maybe I'll be looking for that corrected size pair and find a pair I like more. Meanwhile, this pair can't get the amazon return label on it fast enough. Maybe I'll meet the right pair for me online again, or maybe I'll come across him by chance, or maybe through a friend of a friend. I am always an optimistic realist though when it comes to shoes... and such.
Now I could make them work for a couple hours maybe. They still look good, and you and I would be the only ones to know they're not quite right. But the truth is that I will never be able to love them. I love shoes, and I take care of them and loyally keep them for years, so comfort is important. I have to be able to trust my shoes; trust that they aren't going to faux-cripple me with pain.
So I'm giving up on this pair. Maybe I'll upgrade to another size, afterall; I did like a lot about this pair. Or maybe I'll be looking for that corrected size pair and find a pair I like more. Meanwhile, this pair can't get the amazon return label on it fast enough. Maybe I'll meet the right pair for me online again, or maybe I'll come across him by chance, or maybe through a friend of a friend. I am always an optimistic realist though when it comes to shoes... and such.
Monday... Can't straighten out my thoughts
I am looking forward to seeing old friends in a couple weeks. I think it is a needed thing. I should prolly remind my boss. She is dealing with her husband's newly discovered cancer and I don't need to add to her stress with disappearing one day.
I need to move out sooner than later. I feel like some days are better than others, but there's been a lot more bad than good lately. Sooner is still a couple months away though. I need to handle myself better and remember her feelings.
I don't know what I did. Nice guy I was talking to for two weeks, just stopped messaging or taking calls last Thursday. Not sure if there is something else going on or what. I don't trust it. Maybe it's something like I dropped my phone off the side of a bridge, or maybe it's as simple as moving on to someone else. Awkward and ungood feeling. Stupid boys. Doesn't really matter. I want to know what happened, but then I also realize that I only partially care and have moved on already... kinda.
I hate one of my vendors today. I sent this PO in a month ago and heard nothing. Re-sent it a couple times. Finally talked to a live person and found out that since the shipping address is different than usual, no one did anything with it. WTH? So I resubmit with the requested statement that we have more than one warehouse that can be shipped to, and two days later call back wanting an update. "Yeah, that's not gonna work anymore, someone should have called you. You need to fill out this new customer credit app." We've been doing business with them for about 20 yrs. I will find someone else who can sell me copious amounts of "Wire #16/2 W/UL Class 3 Blue" in the future, and we'll not be doing business for 21 yrs.
I need to move out sooner than later. I feel like some days are better than others, but there's been a lot more bad than good lately. Sooner is still a couple months away though. I need to handle myself better and remember her feelings.
I don't know what I did. Nice guy I was talking to for two weeks, just stopped messaging or taking calls last Thursday. Not sure if there is something else going on or what. I don't trust it. Maybe it's something like I dropped my phone off the side of a bridge, or maybe it's as simple as moving on to someone else. Awkward and ungood feeling. Stupid boys. Doesn't really matter. I want to know what happened, but then I also realize that I only partially care and have moved on already... kinda.
I hate one of my vendors today. I sent this PO in a month ago and heard nothing. Re-sent it a couple times. Finally talked to a live person and found out that since the shipping address is different than usual, no one did anything with it. WTH? So I resubmit with the requested statement that we have more than one warehouse that can be shipped to, and two days later call back wanting an update. "Yeah, that's not gonna work anymore, someone should have called you. You need to fill out this new customer credit app." We've been doing business with them for about 20 yrs. I will find someone else who can sell me copious amounts of "Wire #16/2 W/UL Class 3 Blue" in the future, and we'll not be doing business for 21 yrs.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Stressed... Stress Relief is Far Away
You know that feeling after a long day at work where all you want to do is relax. I want that sooo f'ing bad lately. Instead I get immediate talking. Talking about junk mail for the last 10 minutes. I know I am being a little short and I know the question of "what is your problem", or some form of it, is coming at any moment. I am hoping to avoid that question. At the same time I want to say, "Quiet! I want f'ing quiet!" OMG, we're saving the Bank of America card because she likes them. She's never used them ever, at least not in my lifetime, but she just states that she likes them while smiling at the stupid card like a little kid who likes a card because it has fireworks or puppies or kitties on the front. I retreat to my room and she follows me to tell me that the neighbor kids mowed the yard today. Is ice cream a bad outlet?
I am tired. No temp and month end and still fixing mistakes from the last temp and hating her even still. Our boss is about to be gone for the rest of the month for her husband's prostrate surgery. She's stressed about her husband's newly found cancer, so we are trying to cover all issues and it's been a crazy couple weeks. Now we've been given free reign on doing our own interviews for our temp.
I am talking to another of Chad's friends lately. I've given up on Ty in a kinda bitchy attitude now. The new boy seems nice... a lil nerdy- a would be teacher, but currently working at a firework warehouse in Columbia. I'm starting to wonder if Chad knows any guys that live around here-ish. But this guy is fun and sweet, but rugged looking, which is fun and yummy. He plays bass in a band too, lol. The problem is that apparently my ideal lay is 2.5 hrs away. Is it wrong for waiting for the other shoe to drop? Like what's wrong with him? Eh, prolly not good, but it's where I'm at. I'm taking it pretty slow with him at this point even on sharing.
I am tired. No temp and month end and still fixing mistakes from the last temp and hating her even still. Our boss is about to be gone for the rest of the month for her husband's prostrate surgery. She's stressed about her husband's newly found cancer, so we are trying to cover all issues and it's been a crazy couple weeks. Now we've been given free reign on doing our own interviews for our temp.
I am talking to another of Chad's friends lately. I've given up on Ty in a kinda bitchy attitude now. The new boy seems nice... a lil nerdy- a would be teacher, but currently working at a firework warehouse in Columbia. I'm starting to wonder if Chad knows any guys that live around here-ish. But this guy is fun and sweet, but rugged looking, which is fun and yummy. He plays bass in a band too, lol. The problem is that apparently my ideal lay is 2.5 hrs away. Is it wrong for waiting for the other shoe to drop? Like what's wrong with him? Eh, prolly not good, but it's where I'm at. I'm taking it pretty slow with him at this point even on sharing.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Eval Time
So today was a little evaluation of self day...
First thing to realize is that I am a bum. I somehow manage to know what I should do, but don't get up and do it lately. A small for instance is the majority of today. I slept in til 9 and when I finally did get up I put on workout clothes and promptly laid down on the couch for the next 6 hours only getting up for food and a blanket while watching Encino Man, Yes Man, and Old School. I knew I needed to workout and mow the yard and do laundry today, but I have reverted back to not being adult enough to do things I need to do or something. I ended up mowing 2/3rds of the yard before running out of gas and only because I knew I'd hear the question "What did you do today?" This is so not good on so many levels and extends into my work as well, if I'm honest.
Another thing that I'm not happy with is my high school girl way of valuing myself lately based on others. I wasn't even like this in high school, maybe junior high. I have become obsessed with whether I am wanted. Wanted by idiot men, but also almost anyone around me too. I have become concerned with whether someone likes me and when is the other shoes gonna drop. Guys, yes, obviously, but also co-workers, my boss, girls at class, and even oldest friends. I realize this insecurity isn't good, but I also don't know how to connect/make it go away. Then I miss the feeling of security I would have with M, which makes me mad because logically I want to point out that I wasn't this neurotic before. Frustrated with self.
I need to figure out what I want. I want a relationship, but I don't feel like I can put any decent amount of effort into one right now. I just don't care enough. I want the satisfaction and security and friendship that comes with most relationships, I just want it right now. I don't want to wait and work to that. I am tired of it all right now. Like haven't I paid my dues yet? I need to lay off pursuing anything until I can figure this out. I am not so good at choosing soundly lately.
I guess basically I need to work on me and how things around me impact me and stop ignoring them with the focus on odd physical relations. We'll see. Admitting that my life is not where I want it is all I can do right now.
First thing to realize is that I am a bum. I somehow manage to know what I should do, but don't get up and do it lately. A small for instance is the majority of today. I slept in til 9 and when I finally did get up I put on workout clothes and promptly laid down on the couch for the next 6 hours only getting up for food and a blanket while watching Encino Man, Yes Man, and Old School. I knew I needed to workout and mow the yard and do laundry today, but I have reverted back to not being adult enough to do things I need to do or something. I ended up mowing 2/3rds of the yard before running out of gas and only because I knew I'd hear the question "What did you do today?" This is so not good on so many levels and extends into my work as well, if I'm honest.
Another thing that I'm not happy with is my high school girl way of valuing myself lately based on others. I wasn't even like this in high school, maybe junior high. I have become obsessed with whether I am wanted. Wanted by idiot men, but also almost anyone around me too. I have become concerned with whether someone likes me and when is the other shoes gonna drop. Guys, yes, obviously, but also co-workers, my boss, girls at class, and even oldest friends. I realize this insecurity isn't good, but I also don't know how to connect/make it go away. Then I miss the feeling of security I would have with M, which makes me mad because logically I want to point out that I wasn't this neurotic before. Frustrated with self.
I need to figure out what I want. I want a relationship, but I don't feel like I can put any decent amount of effort into one right now. I just don't care enough. I want the satisfaction and security and friendship that comes with most relationships, I just want it right now. I don't want to wait and work to that. I am tired of it all right now. Like haven't I paid my dues yet? I need to lay off pursuing anything until I can figure this out. I am not so good at choosing soundly lately.
I guess basically I need to work on me and how things around me impact me and stop ignoring them with the focus on odd physical relations. We'll see. Admitting that my life is not where I want it is all I can do right now.
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