I haven't been on here in a while. I apologize.
I just got home from my ski-trip vacation. Where I hooked up with boy3. Yep. That's official right there. Unfortunately, though I had been thinking about breaking up with boy2, I hadn't done it yet. Wanting to wait until I had some privacy, I waited until today when I got home to call him and have that break-up conversation.
This is my first break-up conversation ever, I mean unless you count boy1, which I don't because it had been leading up to that for a long time. It was horrible. I decided the best way would just to tell him I was breaking up with him quickly, without any excuses on my part (I mean I really didn't deserve any excuses... sure, he refused to ask me to be his girlfriend and didn't want to see me very often at all, but I'm the one who went out and hooked up with another person after having a talk about being monogamous.)
Not only that, but I told boy2 I loved him... I did for a little while. I think. Maybe I don't know what love is.
What's wrong with me? I feel broken, the old me would never have even remotely considered doing something like that. Being faithful used to be easy.
I can tell myself that I knew that he wasn't a forever guy, that I wasn't his girlfriend, that he only seemed a little into me. But when it comes down to it, I hurt him. And I feel utterly miserable about it.
Of course, I was drunk when this all went down. But I don't think being sober would've stopped me. Boy3 is an old friend, that I've had a crush on for a long time, and I never considered he'd be into me. I mean I hoped and I had dreams, but I never actually thought....
I can't talk about boy3 right now. Probably in a couple days when I feel less devastated about being a terrible person.
Edit: On the bright side for you readers, I re-published some stuff that I took off when things with boy2 got more serious.
