Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sex on the first date?

It's only supposed to be for sluts and whores right? Well, I just did it and besides the occasional pang of doubt that the rest of the world would think I am a slut... I feel great. A lack of emotional commitment paired with great sex where the guy thinks I'm beautiful was what I really needed.

Not only do I feel relaxed from great sex, I feel reassured that I am beautiful and everything that is feminine and wonderful.

So why is a woman having sex on the first date considered taboo? There's all kinds of advice articles online (if you do the Google search "sex on the first date") about how you shouldn't.

If I wanted a long term commitment... or really any commitment, I might agree. But why do girls get the slut/whore label when they're not looking for that commitment?  In fact, I have to say my first goal in beginning to date again was to not form a immediate attachment. (I would rather not be a serial monogamist, running straight into another long-term relationship.)

No, I didn't have anal... not that it's any of your business... I'm also not "the most fascinating man in the world"

Hmmm, here's an interesting article about why men shouldn't have sex on the first date. Funny how a lot of the reasons are about making her feel better.

Anyway, I'll let you know if I still feel the same way tomorrow. But I'm willing to be the answer will be yes.

Update:  I do still feel great the next day! So much so that I made another booty call date for tonight. (same guy, geez, you've got a dirty mind). I'm going on a trip tomorrow, so I thought it would be nice to get some one last time, before I'm deprived. ;)

The major question I've been thinking about today is.... should I tell him I just want to be friends with benefits? Or should I let it ride? I'll let you know what I decide!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Matchmaking in Heaven

How do you find love or at least dates after a big break-up in this day and age? You go on Match.com of course!

First off, you should know what I wrote for my profile. This will put all future hook-ups into perspective.

My closest friends describe me as independent. I'm intelligent, I like to work, but I also like to have fun. I like to go do things. Whether that be travel or adventure near home. I like to plan for the future, so much so that I often forget to enjoy the present and may need reminders. I tend to be happy and when I'm happy I talk and I share things and ideas. I've got a lot of ideas and I want to express them and maybe follow up on them in the future.  
I'm not so into clubbing. I like to dance, I just don't like to dance where I'm going to get groped by strangers. I like going to bars, but not to pick up guys, it seems like a recipe for disaster. 
I love to read and own a ton of books. I plan on buying a ton of books in the future too. I love to go to festivals, wine tastings, concerts in the park, to go on adventures, even if that adventure is going for a walk around the neighborhood in the evening. I love to snowboard in the winter, snowtube, play in the snow, and then come inside and have a beer or a hot cocoa.  
I love adventure, but I also love sitting at home. I enjoy playing video games, Final Fantasy, WoW, Rift, as long as you don't expect me to be good at them, I just like playing. I like cuddling and watching movies or TV too. Making dinner and drinking tea or hot cocoa.  
I feel like a balance of going out and staying in is required to be happy. Too much of either and I'll either be exhausted or bored.  
I'm looking for a guy to have fun with, who enjoys similar things, but that has a mind of his own that he likes to express. I'm also looking for a guy that will value me for who I am and wants to be affectionate in public as well as passionate in the bedroom.  
This guy doesn't need to have a sense of style, or be physically fit, but he can't have given up on himself either. It's called self-respect and he's gotta have it.  
Now I'll answer some of those questions since I can't think of what else to say. 
Who or what makes you smile? Almost everything, I'm a naturally happy person, I like to smile, if I'm not smiling there's something wrong. 
How would you describe your social life? Busy, I enjoy making friends and doing those adventure things with them. Going out with me means being friends with my friends, but the feeling is mutual, I would expect to be friends with your friends too. 
What type of things make you laugh out loud? A lot, stupid comedy movies, irony, dirty jokes, just being happy. :) 
What are you looking for in a relationship? Give and take, a partnership based on mutual love, respect and affection. I want a best friend, someone I can count on as well as passion. I don't know if I'll get this for a while, it seems too soon, but ultimately it's what I want. I also want someone who wants to eventually get married have a house and babies. Not a lot, 2 will be fine. But don't contact me if all you're looking for is a lay. I'm not looking for the work required to change your mind. If we date and we're not right for each other then we move on, but if we date and we are right for each other then we go to the next level and figure it out from there.    
What are the things in life you're most passionate about? My passions seem to change with the wind. I like to try new things and see what moves me. I think the world is a beautiful place and I love to be in it.
My best friend points out that I say "adventure" a lot up there.... I don't care. I really do want adventure! Dangit!

What do you think? Am I going to get some awesome dates from this? In the last 2 weeks I've gotten 22 emails and 32 "winks". Pretty snazzy. ;) No dates yet. I just started texting a little.

Rules I have for date selection:

  1. Only casually interested in sports. This is complicated if you don't live in Pittsburgh, or maybe Green Bay (I imagine Green Bay is like this too). In Pittsburgh, sports is more then something fun to do occasionally. Sports is an obsession. This is going to narrow my dating pool more then anything in Pittsburgh. I don't mind watching football games with friends and family. But it doesn't need to be every Sunday and if there's another option that friends are going out to, then that should receive precedence to staying home alone and watching sports. Ok, that was a long rant... I'm not from Pittsburgh in case you couldn't tell. ;) So basically if the guy talks a lot about Steeler games and/or watching sports in his profile, he might get rejected out of hand. OR- if all his photos are in Steeler's jerseys.... don't bother emailing me.
  2. He has to smile in his profile pictures....I don't want to date a thug.
  3. No half-naked body-builder photos... can you say "tool"?
  4. Is your hat turned backwards in all your photos? Reject! I also don't want to date a gangsta wannabe.
  5. Makes as much or more money than me. 
  6. Has as much or more education than me. I want to be able to respect any guy I date.
  7. Between the ages of 27 (my age) and 35. I'm willing to be flexible by a couple years in either direction for a  particularly interesting guy. 
  8. Taller then me, by a couple inches at least. I want to be able to wear heels on dates and not feel like I'm towering over the guy. BFF (This is what I'm going to call my best friend from now on) says I'm silly if I reject a guy for this. There might be the exception to the rule, that's why it's last on the list... but it's on the list. ;)
So, eight golden rules. Let's see how many of them I break. 


Friday, August 26, 2011

The Elephant in the Room

I named this blog "The Elephant in the Room" because, right now at least, whenever I'm with friends.... everyone knows and no one talks about it. 
D.I.V.O.R.C.E. 
You can tell they're curious, but they don't know whether it's OK to ask, or if they should mention anything at all.
Awkward!!


I don't even know if I want to talk about it... so this might be a good policy on their part. Sometimes I do want to talk about it, but only with someone who has experienced the same thing. And I mean exactly the same.... who else do you know whose husband cheated on them in Korea? Not the biggest pool of support, especially in my age group. (I'm 27, btw)

Believe it or not though, I found out that it's worse having someone in the room who doesn't know. Because you know what happens? You start getting the 9th degree on where your soon-to-be-ex spouse is. Questions you can't even think about without tearing up a little. There's no graceful way to get out of that conversation either. I found out my solution (apparently) is to be a total b*tch and just not answer questions.

If that particular person ever reads this blog, I apologize. I don't know if I'll ever say sorry to your face, but hopefully you'll understand when, after I left, everyone else at the party explained it to you.   >.<

That's another thing, knowing that you are the hot topic of conversation. Conversation that no one will have with you or even while you're in the room. It makes you want to do crazy things like get trashed and yell at everyone.... don't worry I haven't actually done this, nor do I plan on doing it. But it's a fun fantasy.


BGKMXWK5JADX

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Story

How did this all begin? Why am I getting a divorce? This part of the story sucks, but I hope it will put any future psychoses into perspective, so here goes nothing. I'm going to write about something happy immediately following this. :P

I have/had been with the man I married for 9 years, quickly approaching 10. We had been married for almost 4 years. His job moved him to Korea and I followed. I wrote a really fun blog while I was over there:  Kim's Korea

4 months into a 3 year assignment, he tells me that he hasn't loved me for years, he's in love with another girl (a girl I thought was my friend) and that he wants a divorce.

That's the extremely condensed non-sappy version of what happened, and even that's hard to tell. That was a month ago.

He didn't want to work it out or try to save our marriage, but he still wanted to be friends. And my god, in the 2.5 weeks it took me to get out of Korea and away from him texting his girlfriend, it was like he kept tricking me. It was so easy to fall into the easy rapport of long-time friends, laughing and joking about stupid stuff. I wanted to keep reminding myself that he was cheating on me, that he had lied to me for months (years if you counted that he said he hadn't loved me for years), but all I wanted to do was pretend like nothing had happened.

So I finally got out of Korea, I've been back in the US for 2 weeks. My instinct is to move on as quickly as possible, so that's what I'm trying to do.

I tend to suppress. I can feel myself swallowing emotions that I don't want to confront, which I know is not healthy. Maybe this blog will be one way of confronting those emotions. Oooooorrrr, maybe I should see a therapist. When I'm on my own insurance again, I'll look into how expensive that is. In the meantime, I'll just have to deal on my own. Cry a little more at movies and TV then is appropriate, and otherwise try not to dwell on it.

OK, that was the depressing story that begins this blog. Now we can move on to the recovery part.

Introduction


Where to start? I guess it would be pertinent to begin with my story, but I'm not feeling it yet.

I've written blogs before and really enjoyed what a release it was to write about what was going on, what I was feeling, etc. But I hate sappy, depressing blogs. Can't stand them. Even when I'm deeply depressed I tend to look on the brighter side of life.

That even seems a little dramatic. Until recently I've rarely been sad much less depressed so I don't have much experience with it.

So, while I'll tell my story, so you can get perspective, this blog is not to mourn or whine about my situation, but to chronicle how I'm moving on. The little joys and successes that prove that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, there will be some hilarious dating stories. Maybe it will be like Sex and the City... Pittsburgh style. Ok, maybe not.

By the way... I don't plan on telling any friends about this blog, unlike the last one. That doesn't mean I'll object if they find it on their own, there's just a chance this whole thing could be embarrassing. :D   Maybe a couple months down the road if I can re-read this without blushing too much I'll start to tell friends about this.