Sexuality

I just got done reading this article. BTW, this might not be Safe for Work if you work in an extremely conservative office where everyone can read over your shoulder. (No unsafe pictures or anything.) Probably this whole blog entry is NSFW if you meet the above considerations.

So I was thinking about this. I tend to be a very sexual woman. This wasn't so much the case when I was younger, but in recent years I've really come into my own. I know just the right amount of concentration and flexing what muscles will get me there. It's virtually impossible at this point for me to not orgasm. In fact, multiple orgasms for me are the norm. And I discovered that while I enjoy self-pleasure, it's totally different with a partner and I like having a partner.

On the other end, I feel like I've lost a lot of my power as a female. Just because I like sex and am probably not going to say no with a partner I'm seeing and I trust.

In my marriage, I felt like my ex-husband thought I was kind of slutty and skanky for wanting to have sex. I never indicated wanting to have sex with anyone else, but sometimes I felt like I was begging for it. There was a lot of self-pleasure on my end going on. Talk about supposed role-reversal. If I had held onto my power, restricting sex and using it against him, would I have kept my marriage together?

Of course not, but I torture myself with thoughts like this.

And now boy2 occasionally teases, saying if I don't behave I won't get sex the next time I see him. WTF? I'm sure he's just teasing as he has yet to hold out....

I swear, if he starts holding out, it's over. I will not be in that kind of relationship again, no matter how in love I am.

What leads to this expectation though? That a girl who wants sex is not normal? What about the poor "cougars"?  (Or "dragons" as they call them in Sweden?) There's a whole stereotype about them just because they're free to explore their sexual natures, at their sexual peak, and who wouldn't want it to be with a physically fit man who you don't intend on forming an emotional connection?

Why are girls thought of as slutty if they want to have sex?

I know there's appeal in the innocent girl who is unaware of her sexuality. But what about the innocent girl who has grown into her sexuality and finds that instead of being appalled, disgusted, or any other stigma ground into us from a young age, is excited and happy to experience it? Why is that not an attractive stereotype? Why does it always have to be the innocent, the prude, or the slut?

Are guys intimidated by a nice, sexual girl? Do they think maybe they won't live up to our standards? Does it take the cocky young stag (a dragon slayer), to be able to satisfy the dragon just because he doesn't have doubt in his own abilities?

Who installs these doubts? Is someone going around telling people they're not good at sex? How devastating would that be?

I'll tell you how devastating. I was 18 when I met my Ex, he did a pretty good job of breaking down what I was trying to do and degrading me for it. It definitely left me with less desire to try when I was younger. I gained in confidence as I got older. Maybe this intimidated him. We also didn't kiss, seriously he didn't like to. I worried it was my fault. After our break up, turns out I'm pretty amazing at kissing, one of my #1 compliments. :D

If you're going to critique your partner, do so gently. Don't even tell them what you don't like (unless they're hurting you or something, I can see mentioning that), tell them what you like. Tell them you want to do that more. Tell them you want to try other things.

Sorry, this went off on a tangent.

Anyway, the point is. I like sex. And I don't want to be ashamed about it, or nervous that a guy will think I'm skanky or a slut because I like it. And, guys that might read this blog now or in the future, don't protest to me how different you are and how much you would love to meet a girl like me. I know. I hear it all the time. But you're not here and I wouldn't necessarily like, much less love you. Your protesting is for naught.

Make the world a different place by sticking up for the "slutty" girl, or the "cougar" as opposed to making fun of them when your buddies are and maybe then I'll believe you. Until then, suck it.