I haven't been very good about posting lately. I'll run through the two major things on my mind, which is the main reason I felt I needed to post.
The first is easy kinda.... Matt tried to make me feel bad last Friday emailing me how sad and lonely he is right now. I'd like to point out that he hadn't even been moved out of his marital home for a full week at that point. I ignored and held back from reminding him that I don't have any obligation nor do I feel a need to make him feel better. I am not the cause. Then I got an email telling me that he and B were gonna go to the zoo on Saturday and I could come if I wanted to see him and her. That was low to kinda use his daughter as a draw. She is a pretty awesome little girl. (and on a side note who takes their pasty white kid to the zoo on day we are breaking 90?) Then on Monday morning at 7am, my phone is beeping with emails and he is inviting me to join an online friend/flirting community... it comes with picture. This made my morning after the "wth" moment. The pic is the saddest emo kid you've ever seen. Is he gonna try and get a date with emo chicks and slit their wrists together? Funnily enough, I had to order 25 boxes of a 100 razor blades for our warehouse... I can get them a good deal... Is that wrong? Tonight I got an email asking for my enchilada recipe. Somehow that one pissed me off even more, because that is one of my best dishes and why would I share it with him. Delusional Dirtbag.
The other thing on my mind is Ty and that stupid blind date teacher. I may have played it too well that I didn't care. I was too "friends" like with this and I kinda knew it at the time even. Foolish girl. So friendly-like I asked about her before the date and he told me and then Saturday morning after the date he told me she was cute, not hot (which I always think is better anyway, because it lasts longer) and that they got along, but he didn't get laid. She did give him her phone number though. We talked all day Saturday, but he would not come out with me to Westport to watch a basketball game and out drinking with some of my friends afterward. Sunday we talked most of the day too. Something was different on Monday and I felt I was talking to myself on IM. My evening was ok, but it was crazy in its own way and I didn't tell him because I knew he was going to a friends to watch the game and I wasn't invited.
Today I was mad and determined to not let it happen again, so whenever it got quiet on the IM, I closed the window and I have enough work learning my new role that it's prolly good really. Finally I ask if he ever called her back and he said yes and he is" meeting her after work for drinks and see how things go from there". And apparently that meant after her work, because he left by 3. My emotions pull me in a couple different directions of mad, sad, indifferent, feeling like I did something, trying to trace where my current state of crazy finally proved too much, when did this interest in me stop? I feel lonely again, like I did when the big mess went down a month ago. It feels longer ago. I hate being lonely and feeling like things will never work out. I want to be wanted, and pursued. I also kinda wonder if those are the kind of feelings that mean I should not jump into a relationship, because I might get stuck or be in it for the wrong reasons.
My mom is back this afternoon, which is why I was cleaning til 2 and showered and started writing this. I haven't cleaned anything I didn't need since before she left, lol.
Honey, do not let this get you down. You told him you weren't interested in anything more. He's looking for a relationship. It's not that he doesn't like you, it's that you're in different places.
ReplyDeleteGet on OkCupid and go out with a couple guys that don't want anything serious. Guys that will tell you how beautiful you are and how wonderful and that you won't feel guilty telling them you're not up for anything serious right now, or even seeing multiple people. Which is stressful but fun btw.
Not as awesome as I feel being with Ben and Ben alone, but I feel like i had to do all that to really know how I felt now. It was a fun time, and something I highly recommend. I got a lot of self-confidence back and met a lot of people.
So for now, don't focus on one guy, especially a guy you work with... you don't want to ruin your working relationship.
I know you're going to find someone awesome eventually. But do you really want to meet them right now? When you're feeling all messed up and a little crazy?
When you get a moment and a dime, come for a visit. :D We'll go out trolling for guys. HIMYM style. "Have you met Tracy?"
The 'Ty and the teacher' thing is going to have to run it's course for better or worse. Just as well since he's prolly gay. The M thing is a tough one but you seem to be handling it well.
ReplyDeleteAffairs of the heart far pre-date our smart-phone instant solution culture. A little loneliness, some heartbreak, a lot of patience are all part prerequisite to finding the right person -no shortcuts. At the end of the day, a SWF with no baggage and not too crazy is still a rare and highly sought after segment of our species.
In the meantime, can you channel some of this energy into your career for a while (notice I didn't say job)? You know how that operation is supposed to be run - think about making it happen.
BFF,
J.