Matt - still IMs/emails me through the day. What the f*ck ever. I never respond. Kim I'm glad you said it, but I've been saying it, but maybe not posting it. I can't trust him. I can't trust the most basic of information and convos. I realized this when I was wondering a couple weeks ago if he was really taking his daughter to the zoo. I know that's a ridiculous thing to question, but I also wouldn't be that surprised if it was just a ploy to get me to talk to him. If I can't trust the most basic of convos, what's the point? I miss the easily shared interests and the same willingness to go out and do whatever, like no idea is odd or dumb attitude. I've never meshed so well with anyone like that before, and it scares me to think I won't again and that I'm passing something up, but I had trust issues even before they were given this shot of anti-trust steroids. That's hard to get over. Especially when I seem to be flailing trying to find a useful relationship.
Ty- Idiot. He told me how the teacher lady was nice, but he was waiting for me to come around. We were supposed to have drinks after work today. I know he has super bad allergies right now and even left part of the day to go to the dr. He got back about 11ish and then left by 2pm. I didn't get a bye or talk to you later IM or text. So I feel a little stood up and jaded and I've decided I might be done with this. I'm certainly done pursuing without lots of apologies. Is that too harsh for someone dealing with allergies and being on allergy meds? Maybe? Well, I kinda feel that you remember things like telling someone what's going on or at least acknowledging somehow if it's important to you. If I don't even rank a quick IM or text saying "Feel like shit, going home early, reschedule?" or any apology during the day really, well, f*ck it. I don't have it in me right now to be the person who cares more in a relationship. I can't be your doormat.
So my best relationships are stemming from pole dancing. I went out last Friday with a couple girls from class. The four of us are about the same 5- 6 yr age range and went to the art districts "First Fridays" celebration. No drama at all. Mostly just talking and getting to know each other while drinking, eating from street vendor gloriousness, and playing pool and darts at a bar. We looked at some art too, but more by accident than anything else... just not the focus of the night. It was nice. I miss having girl friends that are local and not married with kids, that I can openly talk to and hear honesty back. I feel like I kind of have that here, but it's not the same as just having a friend you can meet for lunch or after work. Two of the girls and I are supposed to grab dinner Friday, and it's something I've been looking forward to most of the week.
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteUnless there was some big misunderstanding, the Ty blowoff was just weird (gay??).
I almost hate to say this cause maybe you need to get over M but really how bad are his deceptions? If the zoo thing was a scam (big if) then is a scam to talk or spend time with you really so bad? Wasn't all his other non-disclosures all motivated by wanting to hang with you? Guys aren't completely honest, so you need to see their underlying motivations. Think about it.
I love being a part of your life. You're the coolest girl ever.
J.
No, you're right Tracy... any kind of deception at this point would just be a stupid ass move, and the fact that he doesn't seem to realize that means he really hasn't learned anything (not that I expect cheaters to learn anything), except that it sucks that he got caught. Even if he isn't lying, you obviously don't feel like you can trust him, so don't.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to trusting your instincts? Was it so bad that he was lying about being married to save your feelings?(sarcasm) Guys aren't completely honest.... guess what, some guys are, some people are and they're the type of people I want to be friends with or be in a relationship with.
I don't know about Ty being gay (I don't know him in person), but bailing without even saying something... for allergies... is retarded. And friggin pussy. You don't need to be hanging around waiting for him. Make him come to you if you even still want him. Time to ignore him. Cancel on him a few times. If he really wants you, he'll get the message and try harder. If not, oh well. Good thing you didn't waste your time on him. Because you're worth treating, not only well, but like a friggin princess. And if he can't see that, he's not the one, he's just a rebound and that's fine, but you don't have to work for a rebound. Rebounds should increase your self-esteem, not make it worse by being jack-asses.
Anyway, sorry for the angry rant this morning. It pisses me off to see guys do this to you. You deserve more because you're awesome.
Kim