I don't think I've said it yet, but I love you guys.
So I do want a relationship is the problem. I want instant satisfaction, yes, but have ended up being a harsh bitch to the ones who hit on me in the bars, and the reason is because I was usually texting Ty and I think of him way more than I'd like admitting tonight. That is why this hurts a bit more than expected. I can suck it up and be a good friend while he "dates" this girl. And I can look myself too. I've considered the not dating in the workplace, but we technically work for different companies and in different buildings, but we do share a lot of people connections between the companies... ehhh.
So the reason I signed on tonight. My mom is home and was talking about a Brazilian bbq restaurant... like the come around to your table and cut off chunks of meat style. I said I had a groupon for one out here that expires in a couple weeks and that I wasn't going to be going with Matt. So she is telling me again how much she really liked him. So I asked if she wanted to not like him anymore and then I told her that he's still married. That he's been asking for a divorce the last yr and a half, but that she's been against it, but that they've also been lying to each other the past yr. That he only told her that we were serious in December and asked for a divorce in January and that I had to find out the lie on my own. That he's only even been moved out a week and a half now. So she doesn't know that we were sleeping together maintaining the dream that I am a nice Christian girl in this regard, whatever. So she thinks I should give him a chance. I didn't see that coming at all. I expected a harsh and direct opposite.
I have to go pull a chicken outta the oven... g'night
You shouldn't have to 'suck it up' and torture yourself.
ReplyDeleteRegartding Ty: This is just a thought, but you might want to break off the texting with the stated reason that you are having 'more than a friend' feelings about him. This won't surprise him and it plants a seed in his mind that has a chance to grow in the event he and teach get tired of shopping for shoes together. You'll have given it your shot.
Regarding M; the concensus seems to be to give up on him as a dirtbag and that's not bad advice. But you have good instincts and you should consider them. You previously noted that he may grow tired of you as per his recent track record, so there is risk but there is risk everywhere. I do think it's important that you keep your options open for the forseeable future.
Regarding Mom; she may not be as naiive as you think. Don't you think she remembers when she was 26?
xoxoxo
J.
I'm gonna go with J. I think my previous experience is tainting any advice here (yeah, I kept reading this over and over again and not responding).
ReplyDeleteBecause my advice is an immediate and harsh - Don't give into M. You'll regret it. Not even necessarily because of what he will or won't do to you in the future type of thing. It's because, I feel, you'll lose a lot of self-respect for yourself. I'm not saying you *should* lose self-respect for yourself (I agree with my shrink on this, your self-worth is your own and no one has any rights to it but you.), this is just how I would have felt if my ex had given into my begging (yeah I did that, lowest point of my life)and chosen me over her. So my instincts tell me to protect you from that. Not only that, but would you ever be able to trust or respect him ever again? And the question here really should be about whether you could... not whether he'd get tired of you. F*ck that!! He doesn't deserve to get tired of you, and if you think he would, it's just another sign to stay away from him. You shouldn't have to fear what the other person in the relationship will say or do. Period.
As for Ty- I totally agree with J. Right on.
As for your mom - no comment. My relationship with my mother is not one that leads to any kind of good advice giving. But maybe if she did understand the full situation she wouldn't be as forgiving of him...
Love forever,
Kim