Update 12-7-11

Wooo. A lot has happened in the last couple of days. When I wrote the "Random" post I was drunk. 3 beers and a make-out session later. Prompted by a devastating visit to the shrink. I say devastating just because that's how I feel emotionally when she gets done with me. Better, more stable, more able to take on the world, but devastated. It's probably because she can always make me cry when I need to. If you remember a couple posts back I was having problems with that. Well, I got that out of the way as of Monday!

But yeah, so after the cry fest, and deciding that I needed to see her again next week as opposed to waiting 2 weeks, I needed a beer and some dinner. I got both sitting next to a cute guy. We started talking and hit it off. A little. Ok, I kinda just wanted to see what it was like to pick a guy up at the bar. ;) He hasn't called and I'm cool with that. But it really did remind me that I wanted to date.

I had a revelation the other day. I realized that I can trust a guy to love me, but it's going to be a lot of work to believe that he will continue to love me. Yeah.... that sucks. That I'll always be wondering when a guy will want to leave me. Will I ever feel secure enough to get married again? I'd like to think so. Hopefully, this is just for now....

So, even though boy2 and I are good again, seemingly. I got onto OkCupid for the fun of it. Wow, the response was overwhelming. I like being told how pretty I am and awesome and all that stuff, but it means there's a lot to wade through as far as choice right now. Seriously, am I complaining that I have my choice of boys to date? Yes I am, it's a lot of reading! Besides, I like reading the personality question things and that takes a looong time.

Do I plan on dating another person? I think so. Boy2 hasn't asked for any kind of commitment. What will I do when that first conflict happens? Will I tell boy2 that I've got a date? I think I would have to... I don't want to lie to him (*cough* any more then I have via omission). Yeah, I feel really weird about it, but the shrink keeps telling me it's his own fault for not asking me to commit.

So now it's Wednesday, I don't have plans for tonight. Tomorrow is boy2's b-day, I might or might not have plans with him. If I don't, I have a Christmas Party to go to. :) So what am I going to do tonight? Maybe I'll get to watch Serenity like I've been meaning to. (Nope never seen it! Can't wait!)