Well, that's the truth, so let's get to it.
I realize I'm a social bully (I like bullying people into doing social things)... if you don't want to do something, just say so. I bullied a friend into hosting a Halloween Party, actually, there was a compromise made. We (myself and my roommate) would host a pumpkin carving party a couple weeks ago, and he would host the Halloween Party. It's now just a couple days away from the Halloween Party and he's really made it clear he's not happy he's hosting. Makes me not want to go. Invite list is small (all people I don't typically hang with), he's scheduled something else earlier that evening, making the likelihood of a good party small, people just don't typically do multiple events in one evening well.
I would've hosted the Halloween Party if I had known the consequences. Not only that, but me and this guy never fight, so I feel rotten about that too. For that matter, I never fight with friends, period. I don't like confrontation.
But when I think about not having a Halloween party, I just get all sad. There's always been a Halloween party for the last 8 years of my life.
At this point, I would offer to have it at my place, but I know BFF/roomie, really doesn't want to at all. (She gets a little anal about cleaning up the night of, not the next day... and her parties don't typically last after midnight.... she's an old lady in disguise.)
I kinda want to go to the first event, but I'll feel like a real kill-joy if I'm all ready to leave, get dressed in my costume and go drink and everyone else is like, "yay! we're having fun!"
And to top it all off, I jumped the gun (at least now it feels like I jumped the gun) and asked boy2 if he wanted to come to the party. How am I going to explain (without looking like a psycho) if I'm too pissed to go?
You know what I really want? To get some alcohol tonight. That's probably not a good thing.
*Whine, whine, bitch, bitch*
This probably has something to do with change-anxieties, etc. But it's not actually super connected to the whole divorce and recovery thing. I just wanted to complain. :D
Update: I had terrible anxiety about this last night and didn't get much sleep. So I sent an apology email to this guy at 4am for "taking over" his party by inviting a few more people... like he told me I could. Whatever, I just want things to not be awkward between us. Plus, I did feel bad for stepping on his toes a little. Thus far I've gotten no response to this, except for a text asking me how many people were coming. I told him no one's confirmed yet. And he said Let me know so I can buy enough food. I said let me know what you want and I'll get it for you. I don't know if he took this as stepping on his toes again or what. I just felt bad for apparently inviting a "ton" of people (4) more than he originally planned on, like it's going to cost him a small fortune.
I really want to not go to this party now and I don't think there's a graceful way to do that. Maybe I'll be "sick" that night?
Oh, BTW, this is probably some of the dumbest drama I've ever gotten involved in. Furthering my fears that I'm turning into the crazy girl.
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