...that is the question.
So first an update about my dating life. Boy canceled on me Thursday night with a fairly good reason. He rescheduled for Friday night and then canceled that one too.... this time for a not so good reason. We saw each other on Saturday (though due to rain and overall crappiness, we didn't go to the apple festival and he didn't meet my friends) and I didn't really express my displeasure until he waited till 6:30 pm to tell me he had plans with his brother at 8pm....
So then I expressed my displeasure in being bailed on. I also told myself that if he cancels on Tuesday (next time I'm supposed to see him), then I'll be breaking up with him. I like him, but I can't handle the rejection.
Am I being Paranoid? Probably. Unreasonable? I don't think so... but we'll see what the Doc has to say about it this afternoon. After all, I can't say I'm the most comfortable person to date right now. I can't seem to make myself make it any easier (I know that sometimes, for example, I tell him things purposefully to see if it'll scare him off. I don't like doing it. In fact, I absolutely hate it. But I also can't seem to help but do it. Part of it is that I don't want to lie by omission.... I would hate it if he thought I was purposefully not telling him about things.)
Other Updates:
My Ex is currently in town. I will be seeing him to sign the divorce papers tomorrow morning! Yay! And scary at the same time... I still just don't want to see him. I'm having Panic Attacks and Nightmares about this one. The nightmares are currently about him deciding to bring lawyers last minute, or refusing to put what I want on the papers, which would mean I wouldn't sign which would mean prolonged BS where I have to get lawyers, etc. This is highly unlikely, as I have much more to gain from calling in lawyers then he does... but still.
Current Evaluation about Panic Attacks: Seem to be when I feel overwhelmed or unstable. Like the whole world is changing and I don't know where to stand in it. Thinking about rejection (the possibility of the boy cancelling on Tuesday) will typically set one off. Though I get calmer if I think about the after effects.
That's it for today. Tomorrow I'll let you know how my second session of therapy went and how signing the divorce papers went! Wednesday I'll let you know how getting trashed on a Tuesday Night went and if I had to break up with the boy or not! It looks to be an exciting reading week for you dear readers. :)
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