Best Foot Forward

Sitting here, listening to my Daft Punk radio station on Pandora, 2 beers in. There are so many things I want to write about, but I really should limit myself to one subject at a time.

Let's go with the most recent thing I wanted to write about. I read a blog today (http://yearthirtyone.blogspot.com/) that talked about how everyone on Facebook always puts their best foot forward and it can make you feel horribly inadequate. I definitely do this on Facebook (I tend to find the whiny people to be annoying attention seekers and either skip their posts or de-friend them.).

I like to think that I'm honest on this blog, but the truth is I cover a lot with my optimism and general sense of humor. I want to be honest for those that might use this blog in the future for what it's intended for. A source of support for those going through similar circumstances as myself.

So here's the truth. I'm lonely a lot. I miss having someone around constantly. Someone to cook for. Someone to joke with. Someone to share my trials and tribulations with.

Today I thought about the Ex a lot. Strangely enough, not in terms of missing him. Just missing someone. And being jealous of her. Also, being jealous that he was still in Korea and I wasn't. I love traveling. No fair. I resisted Facebook stalking him, barely.  These days don't happen often anymore. In fact, I was able to brag to my shrink that it's been 6 weeks since I've clicked on his Facebook profile.

Last week I had insomnia like crazy. Every night I went to bed early and wok up at 2am and went to bed again about 4-5am. Part of it was that I was texting with boy1. I just wanted to talk since I was awake.

Brb... gonna go get a 3rd beer. It's that kind of night.

I don't feel like a healthy person. I don't know why any guy would like me. I feel like I'm holding onto the crazy with a short rein.

I'll probably have to be drunk to tell boy2 that I want to see other people. Problem: I don't feel like I want to see other people when I'm talking/hanging out with him. It's when I'm away from him that I do. Should I take my shrink's advice and just let things ride? Or should I give into my panic and loneliness and tell him I want to date other people.

As depressing as this is. About an hour ago I was feeling good. Really good. Like dancing to music and really enjoying being by myself.

So why the sudden change in mood? Well, probably partly the subject matter, and thinking about my low points in general. Also, probably the 2nd and 3rd beers...

On an entirely different note, I told my shrink I would show her how to set up a blog. I would love to follow that blog, but she's pretty insistent on anonymity. I'll have to make sure she knows how to make it truly anonymous, unlike my blog, which I'm sure any half-wit hacker could destroy in 30 seconds. ;)