The problem with holding stuff in....

is sometimes it bursts out all at once. That's what everyone warns you about at least.

Another side effect I've noticed is that sometimes you want to let it out. Like late at night when you can't sleep because of the vicious circular thoughts going through your brain and you know if you could just cry it would lance some of the poison. But you can't cry. You've gotten so used to holding it all in, that no matter how much it hurts you can't get those tears to start and you just lie there, sick with disgust for yourself and fear that you won't be able to cry ever again.

If you stay up long enough, you can cry from exhaustion if nothing else. But it's not the satisfying, soul cleansing cry you need.

There are bad days and there are good days. This happens to be a bad day (which is why I'm writing!). With little to no sleep, stressed out about work, I overslept through 3 alarms, and barely made it in time for an all morning Ethics meeting, with no breakfast or coffee in me.

When I got an email asking for a progress update, I basically responded with a FOAD, (without the curse words). Luckily, I CCed my boss who had been complaining about this same issue and he backed me up! Yay for a good boss!

Nonetheless, it's the end of another day, and I really need that cry. That and some sleep. And a hug, I'd really like a hug. What do I have to do to get a goddamn hug around here?